On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
