Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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