I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
