can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
