it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
