it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
