yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
