The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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