I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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