listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
