you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
