guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
