lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
