thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
