i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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