best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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