I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
