I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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