Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
