i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
