why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
