Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
