ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
