belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
