I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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