you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
