seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
