wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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