he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
