I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
