I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
