I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
