I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
