I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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