tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
