Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
