At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
