bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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