i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
whose ass print is on the piano?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You are a genius and a whore.
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