I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
