This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
