You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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