remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
