it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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