Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
only you would photoshop your dick
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
