I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
