I can tuck mytits in my pants
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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