After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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