Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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