If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
