around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
