What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
